the dry finger episode (or, how an east-side girl came one step closer to becoming "the puss"...)

hello? can anyone tell me the way out of pussy's insides???

this will be the third time i have tried to write this entry… after receiving the following email from poontang, i was reminded of an old story…

evil,

wow, am i ever enjoying your blog more and more each day. it gives me a little surge of excitment in the midst of a boring ass night shift. so the girls all sat around playing cards the other day, it was a quiet sunday, cunt, t-tunt and i had just gone to the locus for some brunch when the puss called up to say her and suz were giving a big fuck-you to coffee and had moved on to booze. it was 2pm. so we went to suz's and played many games of asshole, in which puss was the steady hole for the first few rounds where she stayed until t-tunt had an unfortunate hand and took the title. then at the very last game, her drunk kicked in and she beat us all (only one hand) and suz was on fire givin' it to puss. it only fuelled her fire and before long it was a scene remniscent of a dry finger day. oh, the puss.

my favourite haiku of all time is the tea and sodomy. mostly because i can actually hear your voice saying it in the voice reserved for mimicking grandma.

write soon.
love poon xo
p.s. my main mission right now is to contradict genesis. he called me on, now look out, mwahh haha.

well, this got me to thinking that i hadn’t told you loyal readers the story of the evening i dry fingered the brains out of the puss...

so picture it. vansterdam. 2002. one quiet friday evening a gaggle of us piled into poontang and evil’s flat on vancouver's east side getting’ our drink on right some good. so for some reason (I can no longer remember) i end up giving the puss the ol’ roger dodger right where the streets have no name… (sorry, listening to some pet shop boys…) that’s right, i gave her the dry finger. i think the bet was that if i dry fingered her, she’d give me the skull pussy… or something like that. i fondly remember her deep breaths and that look of concentration on her face as I ramrodded my index finger through her denims and into what i presumed was her smooth cunt...

so anyhow, the next night is hallowe’en and puss and the dominatrix (her flatmate) are getting gussied up to go out on the town or some shit. so they holler holler down the steps and are all like: “yo evil! come up and hang out with us.”

i was staying in that night due to financial concerns, so i wander up the stairs to chill with these girls for a little while. the smokin’ brother of the puss is there in FULL DRAG. buoyed by the company of some hot ass, i decide to press the puss on the events of the night previous, in particular, the dry finger episode.

evil: yo puss, do you remember what we did last night?

puss: what did we do last night?

evil: …you mean you don’t remember?

puss: no. why?

evil: you know we ah…

puss: no, what…

evil: I started to finger you…

brother of the puss in FULL DRAG (with husky voice): YOU FINGERED MY SISTER???!!!!

puss: Oh, it was only a dry finger!

fuck I laughed til I sobbed. ahh… a favourite tale of mine… i had sorta forgotten all about that. let’s write a haiku to the puss, her hot brother and my stinky fingers….