make it stop... please!

i think i've long had an appreciation for absurdities. this is why i find myself in my latest predicament. earlier in the summer i decided i wanted to be less predictable and try new things. a sport, i thought would be just the ticket. so i enrolled in a fencing program. one afternoon in a fit of stupidity, i asked an old crush to be my partner and he quickly agreed. let's call him alberta bound. you see, me and a.b. have known each other for about a year. in february i outted myself to him and confessed that i was really attracted to him blahblahblah... a.b. replied with a polite "i'm straight, but let's continue this intriguing friendship." ughn. it was a bit of a blow to me at the time, but c'est la vie. life went on, we went in seperate directions but kept in touch exchanging lengthy emails about every possible topic under the sun, occassionally catching each other at a party.

the thing is, i'm really positive that he's a big homo, but he's quite obviously not ready or willing to deal with it at this point in his life. he's hinted to me that he's bi. he is hot as fuck yet doesn't date women, preferring only to casually make out with them whilst shit-faced at parties (a technique i recall less than fondly from years past). and the persistent sexual tension between us is driving me insane. i've decided that since he really seems to want to be buddies with me that i'll oblige him if only as a public service to help the poor boy sort through his feelings and provide him with an example of how being gay doesn't necessarily have to mean that you must ghetto-ize yourself into gay enclaves and and be doomed to a subversive and strange lifestyle which i reckon is how he perceives it.

and then yesterday, in only our second fencing lesson the two of us were geared up in fencing suits and masks. we're staring at each other straight in the eye continuously poking each other with our swords as an exercise to gain the feel of the sword and to learn how to poke and be poked at...

death by subtext.