conversations 3: the dilettante

der duft der macht??? should we be concerned?

this is the text of an actual conversation I had this evening with the dilettante:

the dilettante says: the shower? gross.
evil says: shower sex is hot dude. you should give it a whirl if you haven't already.
the dil says: in someone else's shower? egads.
evil says: anytime, Anyplace, dude... indeed, I wore the very bathrobe that you did after boning pussy.
the dil says: charming.
evil says: how did you ever survive eight months of unemployment in ottawa? i'm about to kill myself.
dilodis says: i'm not sure, to be honest. please, don't make a mess. blood stains affect property values.
evil says: i'm still wating for moonbeam to confirm the vancouver job. i'll keep my suicide clean. a hanging, i suspect. or death by stultification.
dildo says: or pills. pills are clean. murder debbie downer while you're at it.
evil says: debbie downer AKA the cancer. i've done nothing all day. i haven't even left the flat yet.
dilly says: pester moonbeam then.
evil says: and i have (quelle surprise) no plans tonight either! i'm watching music videos on the internet as we speak.
dill-pill says: me neither, although that's because I went out last night with my family's dreadful austrian nanny, who pronounced me "no fun" after i decided to go home at 230am from a boring, 1/5 full club that was playing sir mixalot.
evil says: sounds wretched.
dil says: she's deplorable. absolutely, utterly, deplorable. i want to kill her. or have her deported. maybe i'll do that instead.
evilution says: austrians are wretched. they should all be gased.
dil says: yes, she was trying the other evening to assert that austrians aren't to blame for nazi war crimes (in an argument where I was refuting the assertion that all muslims are responsible for the crimes of a few).
evil says: delightful. you'll be interested to know that i tried to float the idea of throwing babyboomers into mass graves the other night at le big belge's going away party, but almost everyone left the room feeling *quite shocked*... dullards.
the dil says: cowards. i told someone that my tattoo said [deleted so as not to be racially offensive] and they didn't think it was funny. one more for the mass grave.
evil says: people are so fucking wretched. no one has a sense of humour in this province. i'm back to BC. fuck the job front. life is too short. i'd rather die than spend my life in ontario.
dillinderpuss says: life is too LONG! but hey, don't bad mouth Ontario. toronto's not all bad.
evilinderjeet says: people in vancouver just *get* me. i feel like a circus freak here.
dilly says: toronto, man. toronto. vancouver = 36 year old pot smoking burnout. toronto = successful career type with friends and exciting, zany social life. and smog. lots of smog.
evil says: no. i hate smog. i need to be by the ocean to be happy I've decided. any ocean.
dillian the villian says: lake ontario's almost an ocean. it has a tide.
evil says: tis a fucking slough! full of shite and waste-water.
dil in the ville says: so is the pacific ocean, jocean.
evil says: so are you looking for work in TO, or just reworking the book? we're overqualified. we need to make our own work.
dil says: reworking book. waiting... to sell my fucking condominium.
dope dil says: drugs.
dope dil says: drugs.
dope dil says: drugs.
dope dil says: drugs.
evil says: eh? we should do more of them??? yes.
dil says: well, maybe. but also merchandize them. to rich, spoiled richmond hill types.
evil says: this bitch i know does it.
dil says: yes, and she's quite successful, no?
evil says: hard to say... i'm almost out of weed from our last purchase form her in February. and i have no money for more.
dil weed says: right, isn't some of that mine?
evil says: i just want to smoke my face off right now. half of it was yours, but you abandonned it and i'm only human.
dil says: damn you. probably for the best.
evil says: it's been a life saver. i'm a hit at every party.
dil says: because of my pot!
evil says: i just need someone else to smoke me up in exchange once and a while. phone. hold up.
(...)
evil says: place is getting shown again tomorrow.
real estate diler says: good.
evil says: about a half dozen showings so far.
dil says: good. make sure you inform the troll so she doesn't leave her tattered undergarments all over the place.
evil says: jajajajajajajajaja yes. she seems to be out socializing herself tonight. two nights in a row! she has a two night a week of socializing quota. (i kidd you not: she actually had to install a quota. loser.)
dil says: a quota?? why?
evil says: cos she was just sitting home every night for like a month and realized boys will not come knocking at her door. so she said she must do something social two nights per week, and go on at least five dates every two months.
dil says: oh, a quota to go out. that's better than a quota to stay in. but still, no boy is going to come knocking on her door. she's going to need alcohol....lots.
to which evil replies: she actually had to rationalize it. normal people just have "a life" while debbie downer has a series of quotas.
dil says: classic bureaucrat. put her out of her misery.
evo says: i should.
dil commands: KILL HER.
evil says: jajajajajajajaja anyway, i should dance... make some dinner maybe.
dil estate agent says: ok. keep the place clean so's I can get it sold. fill it with positive pharamones.
evil says: i'll try. that seems like a tall order though... i'm not even sure what positive pharamones are. should I wriggle naked on the living room floor or something?
dil says: oh, maybe not. debbie downer might - no, would - be offended.
evil says: and very shocked.
dil says: DO IT.
evil says: jajajajajajajajaja... later cunt.
dil says: bye