line of the day 26

"picasso was a fucking pig."
- big tittie latino mamma

"fallopia referred to the crew here as the people she wants to hump..."
- rocco the fish taco (referring to those in attendance at genesis' new year's eve party)

tie.

line of the day 25

"i like to masturbate, okay?"
- b-cunt

line of the day 24

"beyond madonna, the story of fallopia cleopatra"
- evil and GOD (formerly the hairy devil midget/little hammer) at chez bosman

bosman's

having just written an essay for my program at b-list canadian university on the role of space in subculture identity formation, i reckon it'd be silly of me not to acknowledge the role this mediocre looking vancouver motor inn has played in the identity of the haiku crew...

i was first introduced to this place in 1999 when i worked at a nearby hotel... my coworkers and i used to repair to the lounge here after our shifts for a quick round of drinks. i took such a liking to its dank, moody interiors that i have successfully introduced it to pretty much my entire roster of friends. complete with bookcases, gi-normous backlit photograph of the vancouver skyline circa 1971, framed reboot posters, and a painting of monica lewinski on black velvet, the side car lounge is nothing short of a vancouver cultural institution. you never know who or what you are going to find when you walk into this place... the dilettante and the debutante recently encountered a porn shoot here. and speaking of the fucking dilettante, this is also the scene of the crime where he and the puss met before their now legendary casual encounter in april that still has the kids of main street talking...

mayhaps we will bask in the glow of monica's smile sometime soon?

penny perils

the following the the partial text of an actual email that i received from genesis...

from: "genesis"
to: "evil"

date: 5 december 2005
subject: watcha watcha watcha want watcha want.

sorry i haven't called you back yet, was out at a soiree at the 465 last eve. ms. cherub was there, fish taco, big tittie latino mama, poon, and some unknowns. was fun, got drunk and then stumbled home and raped my boyfriend out of his sleep. i also wrote part of a final spanish exam this morning, and have no idea how i did but who cares...

genesis.

p.s. the hairy devil midget decided to opt out of the festivities last night. holy shit have i got a story about that little brat for you. the story is called "penny perils". hairy devil midget is at the vancouver art gallery with big tittie latino mama and a bunch of their artistically educated friends viewing an art show. if you have been there, you know well the stoic and demure atmosphere of the v.a.g... well, on his way up the floors to the show, he and his friends noticed an art instillation of a large pile of carefully placed pennies, tens of thousands of them. noting the interesting display, he commented on how they resembled a pile of leaves. the show proceeded, and ended, and after many drinks, on his way out hairy devil midget proceeds, in front of many people, artistically educated people, to spontaneously run and canonball into the pile of pennies, OBLITERATING the art instillation. holy fucking shit, eh?

seems that little hammer has been up to his tricks again... comments?

the heritage conservationist

this is what i discovered when i googled the word "heritage" + "conservationist"... i'm curious what it means?

there was no outcry.

i can only assume it's time for this blog to die when my loyal readers are all too happy to let the thing fade into the distance. "too personal" you say. "i don't want my personal affairs splashed all over the screen," say others. "time for an evolution!" still others observe. however, i was startled to find the following email in my inbox this morning that i felt compelled to share.

by way of a brief background, i find myself smitten with this heritage conservationist i met a few weeks back. in a moment of drunken stupidity, i confessed that i was in fact a blogger, but refused to elaborate beyond that. but i made the error of passing on the link to the blog my favourite p.o.m.e. couple last night and awoke to the following email:

_________________________________________________________________

sunday, 4 dec 2005 23:32:41 -0700
from: "heritage conservationist"
subject: re:
to: "evil"

so i looked at the sex blog site, and cruising through the comments i discovered the word titillating a dead give away. ended up at your blog. .. saw the entry you read to me, but i have decided that i am not going to look at any more of your blog. although the one entry was there, there were more which i decided not to read. i'm not going to pursue more in covert fashion.

when you are ready to show it to me you can send me a direct link, until then I will wait - although i must admit curiosity.

(insert personal things too mushy to be considered for public consumption)

thinking of you now

wishing we were together

hand down in my pants

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

the little charmer not only found the blog but wrote a haiku! of course, i had to send him the link... cleverness must be rewarded, don't you think?